20 Innocent Phrases That Actually Sound Very, Very Filthy

We frequently say harmless phrases that sound like dirty obscenities without even realizing it.
Here, we aren’t talking about those four-letter words that everyone knows and that will get you in trouble if you say them in school or on TV. In addition to swear words, you can also say a simple phrase that, nonetheless, will make someone you’re talking to blush or break out laughing.

For instance, the expression “polishing the wood” doesn’t sound vulgar if you don’t know another, less innocent meaning. When we were kids, we burst into giggles when hearing innocent-but-naughty-sounding words like “angina.” Below are phrases that aren’t dirty, inappropriate, or offensive. However, with the power of your imagination, you are guaranteed to burst into giggles like a 10-year-old when you read them. Check out how immature you are and prepare to never speak freely again!

1. I could hardly masticate my sausage.

For all of us who have juvenile sense of humor “masticate” sounds like another word. Always masticate, so you won’t choke though.

2. Driving back roads is never easy when they are dirty.

Yuuuck!

3. – Baby, be a good hubby and help me trim the bushes.

Are you talking about pruning the hedges? – Stop beating around the bush!

4. A woman was hospitalized after mistaking a builder’s caulk for hair mousse.

Sounds nasty! Hopefully, it wasn’t quick hardening caulk!

5. Call me when you get off

In case you don’t know, “getting off” is a slang term meaning “to masturbate or have an orgasm.”

6. Are you coming?

What? Not right now. – Get your mind outta the gutter, you perv!

7. The fastest way to influence others is to stroke their egos.

Yep, slowly and gently.

8. I’d eat her out. I mean eat out with her. No wait, eat her out. I was right the first time.

9. My mom ate me out last night… I mean chewed me out.

10. I was really surprised by how big the package was.

How many inches exactly?

11. I tried everything, but I just couldn’t get in.

Try some lube next time.

12. She sucks at basketball. She really needs to work on her ball handling.

13. Who’s a good boy? Wanna bone?

Dog owners must feel really guilty of giving their pets a bone.

 14. A bee landed right on my arm, so I whacked him off with the newspaper!

Don’t be surprised if your friends will take it the wrong way.

15. I helped my uncle Jack off a horse.

Damn! Capitalization matters!

16. In the army, recruits practice what they call vertical and horizontal butt strokes.

17. Is it alright if I touch your bun?

Even though it’s a reasonable question when you’re making a hot dog for your friend, a few moments of odd silence are guaranteed.

18. A church expression: The most powerful position is on your knees.

From the creators of “You can’t enter heaven unless Jesus enters you.”

19. I wonder what happens to nuts in space.

That’s nuts!

20. Jennifer enlisted in the Navy because she was obsessed with seamen.

Now, she’ll love it even more.